i drop a piece of weed and it fell in a spider web and the spider was like “my nigga” and we fist pounded
- me: whoa it sure is late, time to go to be-
- me: is that a 30,000 word fanfic
if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket
you are one of the great thinkers of our time
Then you’d look at a house and be like “oh damn I wanna live there” and millions of dollars would be in your pockets, crushing and killing you instantly
thats why you have to make sure you have huge pockets before you go house shopping duh
Who came up with kissing? Seriously?
Did 2 people one day accidentally bash heads together and went like, “Oh… That was nice”
*violently bashes head together again*
“This should be a thing”
kissing is a method of exchanging saliva (and thus DNA) to determine whether or not you would want to reproduce with that person
*Bashes heads once more*
You are a prime candidate for my child.