The first time someone tried to steal my bag in the subway I panicked and I broke his arm with an umbrella and since then none of my friends will let me forget about this. If you think this was a badass moment you need to remember I’m 5 ft and my bag was a Lucky Star bag and I was crying while hitting someone much bigger than me repeatedly with a frog-shaped umbrella.
• your mental health is more important than your grades/school work • you are fabulous • they’re probably not even paying attention when you give a presentation • one friend is better than no friends • eat a healthy lunch • take care of yourself • please stay safe • your mental health is more important than your grades/school work • I love you
oh my GOD i cant wait to wear leggings and boots and scarves and sweaters and smell pumpkin and spice and have bonfires and scary movies on all the time i cant wait to not sweat when i step outside god fall cant come fast enough
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are all standing watching a street performer do some excellent juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands up on a large wooden box and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”
“Yes.” “Oui.” “Sí.” “Ja.”
Took me about ten minutes to finally understand this
“WHY DO THEY ALWAYS SLICE THEIR PALM TO GET BLOOD. do you know how many nerve endings are in your hand?!?! why don’t they ever cut the back of their arm or their leg or something omfg”—
me everytime a character in a movie has to get a few drops of their blood for some ritual bullshit (via jtoday)
WHILE WE’RE AT IT, why do people try to cross those skinny bridges over lava/chasms/whatever by walking upright. IT’S CALLED CENTER OF GRAVITY. get on your hands and knees and crawl across that thing. HUG IT. SCOOT YOUR BUTT ACROSS. “but i look stupid!” lalalala but we’ll avoid that ~dramatic moment~ where you almost fall over and die because your damn fucking self wanted to look COOL
yes, mr. action hero, I am aware that running dramatically from the baddies at breakneck speed is important, but know what else is important? NOT GETTING SHOT. RUN IN A FUCKING ZIGZAG PATTERN ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT THE MOOKS WERE NOT COACHED IN MARKSMANSHIP BY THE IMPERIAL STORMTROOPERS.
Oh, hey, you there, sneaky hero-type breaking into any place for any reason? WEAR SOME FUCKING GLOVES. They’re called fingerprints, dumbass. You have them and you’re putting them all over the fucking place.
THE PURGE IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING IN SOME CITIES I KNOW LOUISVILLE MIAMI JACKSONVILLE DETROIT CHICAGO AND CLEVELAND ARE DOING IT FOR SURE IF YOU LIVE IN OR AROUND THESE CITIES LOCK YOUR DOORS DONT GO OUTSIDE AND HAVE SOMETHING TO PROTECT YOURSELF WITH