someone mentioned april fools today, and it reminded me that last year a couple of radio DJs got taken off the air and almost faced felony charges because they told their audience that the local water supply was contaminated with “Dihydrogen Monoxide” and alot of people panicked
when i was 6 years old i was being babysat by some girls down the street and they were talking about their friend who got pregnant and I was like “what’s pregnant” and they were like “it means fat” so when i got in the car with my dad to go home i was like “dad, i’m pregnant” and he hit he breaks and looked at me so mortified for about 5 minutes and then said “rin you’re fucking six years old” and then kept driving
When I was in 3rd grade, I said “damn” and the teacher heard me, so I told her I was doing a project on beavers, but I kind of freaked out that she would find out I was lying, so I actually made a diorama about a beaver dam just so no one would know I swore.
today i heard 2 kids talking about buying fake IDs after school and so i started eavesdropping cuz u know thats big kid stuff and then one was like “yeah but is all this really worth it like im pretty sure the fake IDs cost more than the fish we r gonna buy”
my friends sister was telling me about how in highschool a guy tried to take a picture up her skirt as she was walking up stairs and she saw, grabbed his phone, broke it in half, and handed it back to him and said “you can tell your mom why your phones broken”
for a second I forgot about flip phones and I was like how in the holy hell did she rip a phone in half
supermarket hurredly, i need to find syrup. i need all the syrup i can buy. enough to fill 4 bathtubs. im going to cover myself in syrup and slide around the ground to acheive maximum velocity. get ready world im coming your way fast
1 time in my english class there was a fly going around the room and it was annoying everyone and it came over to my desk and i caught it with my hand and like 15 ppl started clapping but i couldn’t get up to throw it in the trash because i had a boner
once when i was little, i claimed it was a teacher’s work day so i wouldn’t have to go to school and mom’s not an idiot so of course it didn’t work, but when we got to the school, we found it was a teacher’s work day and that made me think i had super powers so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind to confirm the theory
You thought you had super powers so you immediately attempted to murder everyone
i just heard my mom yelling “YOU MOTHERFUCKER” and i was worried my parents were having a fight so i went downstairs to check it out but when i got there my dad was just giggling hysterically and all i could see was a pile of uno cards with a +4 card at the top
Fuck you, the original line in Romeo and Juliet is “Wherefore art thou”. And maybe if you stopped being an assumption-making bag of fucking asshole, you’d know that wherefore does NOT FUCKING MEAN “WHERE”, WHEREFORE MEANS “WHY”.
SHE’S ASKING WHY HIS NAME IS ROMEO. FUCK ALL OF YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU HARD UP THE TOENAIL. I TAKE MY SHAKESPEARE SERIOUSLY AS TITS.